Q - Arguments over money are the #1 cause for divorce in the US. Why do couples get so contentious over financial topics?

A - We all have a lot of emotions tied up in our beliefs about money and financial decisions. Most of us don't examine our feelings about money and finances, so we just respond based on our past experiences. Just as a lot of us didn't have a productive "birds and the bees" conversation with out parents about sex, we didn't have a "dollars and cents" discussion about finances either. As a result, we walk into a marriage or other partnership with a lot of unresolved questions and issues about money. If we've been raised in an environment where money is a kind of taboo subject at worst or just something of a mystery at best, then when we become a part of a couple, it can be like the blind leading the blind. We have feelings about money, but we don't have the intellectual understanding to deal with the issues. Another scenario is that one of the two partners doesn't have that kind of taboo associate with money talk, has a good intellectual grounding in financial matters, and the other partner doesn't. They are out of balance, and resentments can grow when that knowledge and experience base becomes an issue of power and control. One may feel overburdened and taken advantage of, and the other may feel like powerless.

Q - What's the first step couples need to take to get on the same page financially?

A - Communication is always the key. This book is guide to helping couples to understand the unique positions each of the members may have. In a sense, I don't think that the two people have to be on the same page reading the same line at the same time. That's not realistic. They do have to come to an understanding that they come from different backgrounds, have had different "reading" experiences, and though they may be looking at the same words on the page, how they interpret them is going to be different. Understanding the different perceptions they have about financial experiences is the key to moving forward.

Q - Is it really possible for two people to achieve "Financial Bliss" if they are polar opposites when it comes to money?

A - Polar opposites can co-exist. It is going to take a lot more effort, flexibility, understanding and negotiating of positions for them to do so. In my experience, couples have an easier time in determining their financial goals than they do in agreeing on what nitty-gritty steps they need to take in order to accomplish those goals. Agreeing on the goals is step one. Figuring out strategies for how to attain them are is steps 1 through X. People who have polar opposite money temperaments can succeed. They may have to undertake steps separate from the other partner in order to succeed. If they analyze their own strengths and weaknesses, and take on those tasks best suited to their abilities and personality, they will have a much easier time than a couple who doesn't do that kind of division of labor. Square pegs get deformed when you try to force them into round holes, but that doesn't mean the two can't co-exist.

Q - More couples are choosing not to get married, but rather become "unmarried co-habitors, including same-sex couples in states that haven't yet introduced civil unions or gay marriage. How do financial decisions vary when there's no "contract of marriage"?

A - Because so many of these issues vary from state to state, it would be impossible to include all the various provisions, strategies, and red flags that non-married couples have to be aware of in this book. I do offer some general points to consider about many of the major areas that these couples should be aware of—various kinds of home ownership options, life and health insurance, employee benefit programs, etc. Non-married couples need to make the same kind of informed decisions that married couples do. They need to follow the same path of the Financial First Date and State of the Financial Union meetings. They would also be wise to draw up a contract agreement that spells out the terms of their financial arrangements and how the money and property will be divided up if the union should dissolve. In one sense, non-married couples have a lot more freedom to make decisions at this end stage than do married couples whose assets and liabilities are more directly controlled by law. With that freedom comes more responsibility, and those couples likely will have to make even more decisions about finances. How they arrive at those decisions is no different, just the number and type they have to make will vary.

Q - You say that all couples - even those who have been together for decades - need to schedule what you call a "financial first date." What is that, and isn't it best for these couples not to "rock the boat"?

A - A "financial first date" is an ice-breaking, getting to know you and your views of finances meeting. Basically, all we ask is that the couples share their experiences. Most of what you do on a romantic first date is share stories, talk about likes and dislikes to try to establish whether or not you share common points of interest and if the difference between you are intriguing or scary. In much the same way, the financial first date is important in helping couples begin the process of understanding their points of view financially—where they converge and where they diverge.

At this stage, you are in a fact-finding mode. I offer suggestions on how you can remain nonjudgmental during this phase. If at any point, emotions start to run high, I suggest that the couples take a break or end the date and try again later when the temperature cools. This first date is all about finding out who the other person is and revealing who you are. It is not a time when you should be thinking about who is right and who is wrong—it is simply laying your financial cards on the table and saying, this is what I have and this is who I am.

Q - It seems like every year we see bold-faced names like celebrities or high profile-business execs going through messy divorces where money becomes a focal point of the settlement. What are some of the options average couples need to look at as a preventative measure in case the day comes when a breakup is the only remaining course of action?

A - A pre-nuptial agreement does not have to be executed only in the realm of the rich and / or famous. I know it's not the most romantic notion in the world, but given the alarming statistics about divorce rates, it is a realistic option if both parties agree that it's in their best interest to enter into such an agreement—just as non-married couples should.

I also cover the number of options available to couples when they purchase a home, and couples should carefully consider the advantages and disadvantages of each. Since your home is generally your largest asset, it makes sense to spend the time and effort to consider all of your options.

Q - What kinds of financial factors should a couple look at before making the decision to have a child or adopt?

A - I always recommend that couples be proactive rather than reactive regardless of the kind of financial decisions they face. Obviously, deciding to start or add on to a family no matter how is an emotional issue as well. In the State of the Union meetings as a part of your goal setting and financial mapping, the issue of children should come up. Planning is key and having information and going fact-finding before you have a child will go a long way toward smoothing out any bumps in the road you may encounter in the future.

The two main financial considerations are health care and the cost of college tuition. Just to give couples a sense of what they can expect, here are some figures they should consider:

The cost of raising a child from birth to age seventeen:

NOTE: Not included in the above estimates are:

• Additional health and lifestyle costs of pregnancy and prenatal preparation.
• All hidden "new baby" expenses
• The cost of taking a break in a career to care for and raise a child.
• College tuition, the costs of which have risen faster than inflation and in 2004 averaged $11,354 per year for public schools and $27,516 per year for private schools.
• Single-family households need to multiply all costs by 1.24 due to what Bambi calls the "No-Hand-Me-Downs Factor".
• Parents with three or more children spend 23 percent less on each child.
• Parents spend more money per year on older children than infants.

Q - Retirement planning is looking ever more critical in the 21^st century due to the issues surrounding Social Security. If two well-established professionals nearing middle age decide to take their relationship to the level of marriage or co-habitation, what should they consider when investigating their retirement options and the funds they've individually saved for such?

A - Much of that depends on what they envision for their retirement. Most Baby Boomers imagine that their lifestyle will remain much the same as it has in the years leading up to retirement. By first determining what their retirement goals are--owning a second home, traveling, on-going education, leaving a financial legacy, insuring that they will be able to pay for their own health care and living expenses so as not to burden their children, for example—they can then devise action plans for getting there.

If the middle-aged professionals have been previously married, then assessing their financial status is slightly more complicated, but the principle remains the same—envision, goal set, develop action plans, execute, monitor and evaluate, adjust, and execute.

Knowing your current net worth and what your current investments are, you can project what those assets and investments will be worth once you retire. The magic of compounding interest can help offset inflation, and I urge all my clients to have a "Rainy Day" fund in case something unexpected happens. My goal is to get people to understand that you can't prevent those unexpected occurrences from happening, but you can plan for them.

My fear is that Baby Boomers may be the least prepared generation for retirement. We don't have traditional pension plans like our parents did, we may not have Social Security to rely on, statistics show that Americans are saving less and spending more (43% of American households spend more than they earn!), and a whole host of other factors are cause for concern. That said, Boomers are one of the most driven and goal oriented generations ever. When we put our minds to it, and when we focus on the goal of getting what we want out of retirement, we can and will succeed.

Q - How important is estate planning for those of us who aren't leaving behind a fortune? Doesn't the living spouse just receive their partner's estate?

A - It is true in most cases that a surviving spouse will receive the bulk of the estate—if the partner doesn't spell out different terms in a will. Whether those provisions are enumerated in a will or if the person dies without one, whether those dollar amounts to be passed on are large or small, you still need to do some estate planning. Why?

The reason for estate planning boils down to what I like to call the three truths about dying. First, you can't take it with you. Second, if you don't decide where you want it to go beforehand, the state will decide for you (and they don't do a very good job of it). Third, if your estate's value exceeds $1,000,000 - the estate exemption amount for 2006 - your heirs (except your spouse) will have to pay substantial taxes on the amount they receive.

Again, to me this is an issue of control, and to a certain extent, courtesy. I could tell you some horror stories about families who were devastated by the sudden (and not so sudden) death of a loved one. They were further devastated when they saw the condition of that person's financial affairs. I don't just mean how much was in the accounts, but where the accounts were, what the account numbers were, what the passwords for online access were, etc. I spend considerable time talking about how to put your financial records in order, and I consider that a part of estate planning as well. Preparedness is key.

Q - Does gender tend to play a role in a couple's financial decision-making?

A - Behavioral Finance is a very interesting branch of economics and a lot has been done in studying people's attitudes towards finance. So far, what their studies have shown is that there is no appreciable difference between men and women when it comes to financial aptitude. Instead, what they've demonstrated is that different people have different financial personalities.

For the book, I created a financial personality assessment quiz that allows couples to determine their individual financial personality type. This personality type is based on their risk tolerance, their views on the utility / usefulness of money, and their decision making styles. Based on those three factors, I've come up with labels to identify those people who tend to match the characteristics of that type. For example when it comes to the utility of money, some people tend to be what I call Ritz-Carltons—they want and need the best, while others are Econo-lodgers. They are the bargain hunters and coupon clippers of the world. In terms of risk, some people are Texas Slims, the gamblers who focus more on what they stand to gain than what they stand to lose. On the other hand, risk-averse types - what I call the Worst Case Scenarists - see danger lurking in every corner. When it comes to making decisions, some people are Data Darlings, they will research and investigate till the cows come home—and then analyze the milk. Drama Kings and Queens base most of the financial decisions on how it makes them feel—they tend to be impulsive. Finally, Ostriches are those people who make no real financial decisions at all. They put their head in the sand and hope for the best. Often, the flightless birds let someone else make all the decisions for them.

Q - What should your readers do if the financial first date goes badly? Would this mean that their relationship might not be as sound as they thought it was, and how can they turn it into a positive?

A - I hope that by reading the book, they will have developed some strategies and gained some insight so that they can try again. By no means is a relationship doomed if the financial first date goes badly. Human beings are infinitely variable, complex, and often contradictory. The cause of a bad first financial date is worth investigating. Was it due to some external factor? Did one of the two have a really bad day at work that carried over into the discussion? Was it due to some internal factor? Does one of the two possess a hair-trigger temper that needs to be adjusted?

As I state many times in the book, Knowledge = Power. If you can gain insight into yourself or partner (and hopefully both) as a result of that meeting, then you've achieved something positive. In the same way that I recommend that couples calculate their financial Net Worth and determine their cash flow through a budget, I lead them through the same kind of self-analysis as individuals. Once you've determined what you're like and how you make financial decisions, you can set goals to make changes.

Q - Your first books made a big splash, but it's been a few years since your last book. What have you been up to, and does this new book mean we can expect to see more financial advice books from you soon?

A - Since writing those books, I left the financial services firms I was employed at to start my own firm—The Bambi Holzer Financial Group. Growing my business has taken up much of my time. I also believe in giving back to the community, so I remain active in civic affairs. I'm on the board of directors of the Children's Cancer Research Fund, the Mancini Institute, We Are the World and USA for Africa. I'm also a member of executive committee of the American Cancer Society and the Children's Hospital Foundation in Los Angeles. In addition, I'm on the board of trustees of the House Ear Institute and serve as an ambassador to the Weizmann Institute of Science.

I've learned a lot about what my clients want and need from their financial planners, and I expect to be back at the computer writing away in an effort to meet their evolving needs.